Early release! And other news!!!!

We were released from the RE on the 31st!! We had our ultrasound and Biscuit was looking good, all nestled in the corner with a really strong heartbeat. The nurse tried to get the baby to turn but was not successful; Biscuit was comfy and not turning!

Biscuit looks more like a baby now than before. It's amazing the difference a couple of weeks makes. They grow so fast!! And without further ado, here's Biscuit!
I go to the OB on February 14. I'm excited...but nervous at the same time. I know what to expect at the RE... :)

I've been feeling great the last couple of weeks. I haven't had any sickness at all. I'm so glad that week was a fluke and I haven't been sick since. I was not looking forward to weeks of being that sick.

Onto other news, we had snowmaggedon this week. We ended up with 20" of snow in about 24 hours. Shane has been snowed in at work (who knew a bank was "essential"!?!?!) and we're hopeful he'll get home today. If not, so be it. I tried shoveling yesterday but it was an epic fail. I was successful in the morning but waited to long to do the second round. The snow was deeper than my shovel blade and I couldn't move it. So, the dogs and I are snowed in. Shane is snowed out. It's an interesting predicament! I hope that school is closed again tomorrow; as it is, I won't be getting out tomorrow unless Shane gets home. They plowed the cross street at our house, completely blocking our road. I'd guess the drifts are waist high at the end of our road. I can't get a car out in that!! Betty is completely buried and couldn't clear the drifts even if she wanted to.

Ready to feel better!

I know I am so luck to be where I am...after this long of a wait we are so thankful to be able to say we're pregnant! That being said, I'd like to be able to enjoy eating again!

Tuesday of this week I had the flu. It was BAD...I will spare you the details but I thought if that was morning sickness (that lasted all day!) I was ready to quit. Thankfully I felt better on Wednesday but I've been squeamish since. And stupid things make me gag. I can't discuss them (I'd like to keep my breakfast down!) but just know it doesn't make any sense.

I'm exhausted. Like more exhausted that I've ever been in my life. I go to sleep at 8:30 or 9 and sleep until the next morning. And still feel tired. I sometimes wonder if my evening sickness is from being so tired and my body just giving in?

I am excited for my next u/s on the 31st. I just hope everything is growing like it should!!!

Saw the heartbeat!

What a beautiful sight!!! We saw that prized heartbeat at the RE's office.

The appointment went well. Dr. Gil says baby is measuring a couple of days ahead but he'll take it. It's so early that it's really hard to tell anything. That being said, it's pretty darn amazing that we can even see anything this early!

Here's the pics from the u/s. The bottom left is probably the best.


We go back in two weeks for one last u/s with Dr. Gil and then we're released to our OB. It will be really strange to go t0 someone other than Dr. Gil. We've been with him the last three years or so. So, for now, looks like everything is moving in the right direction!

SUCCESS!

It worked! It worked! Look at our beautiful bean!!! Now, to throw some caution in, there is not a heartbeat yet. We go back on the 18th to see that beautiful heartbeat.

Everything today looked perfect. The nurse cried right along with Shane and I when we saw the beginnings of baby Biscuit :) Yes, the baby will be Biscuit until otherwise named; this child wants nothing but biscuits and gravy to eat!!

More later...

Wondering what Tuesday will bring

It's still a little unreal to me that I saw that BFP on Monday. I'm trying really hard not to worry; it's hard to not to, given everything Dh and I have been through to get here. I keep trying to tell myself that it's important to enjoy each moment we're given and if things change, I can't do anything about it.

So, here's how I'm feeling right now:

• Trouble sleeping at night - my extremities go to sleep
• Some cramping off and on
• My pants don't fit like they used to
• Already up a size in my brassieres

I can't wait to see what Tuesday brings. It's so nervewracking to wait!!

The post I've been wanting to make!

Isn't that the most beautiful sight you've ever seen? I think so!

DH and I finally got our elusive BFP this week. I took the test so I could quit taking the progesterone supplements (those things are GROSS if you've ever had to take them) and get my AF to start. I had it all planned out - I'd take the test, then call the doctor's office and see if they'd get pre-authorization on the lap for January.

So I took the test, set it aside and checked in about a minute. Totally expected to see one line. And what did I see? THAT beautiful second line. :) In less than the 2 minute window.

So Monday was my first beta - it measures the HCG in my blood. The nurse said she wanted to see a number higher than 50. She called a little later in the day with my result: 353!!!

Today was my second beta. Betas should double every 48-72 hours. The nurse said she was hoping to see a 60% increase in my number - so something in the 600s. My number? 747!!! It doubled in less than 48 hours :)

I think these numbers are high so we may have more than one in there. We find out on Tuesday - our first ultrasound! I'll be a little over 4 and a half weeks. Too soon for a heartbeat but we can count babies. Then we'll have another ultrasound in about 3 weeks to find the heartbeat(s).

I can hardly believe it's finally happened. DH and I are just hopeful that my pregnancy continues without many hiccups or problems.

It is what it is

I've decided that it is what it is. I can't change the hand that IF has dealt DH and I. I can't change the fact that my heart has hardened just a little after 4 years of trying. What can I do? Accept it and move on.

I don't know that this cycle didn't work. I won't know either way until Monday. It seems like our odds are low...but it is what it is. This time of year is hard - how fun would it be to see Christmas through the eyes of my own child? But, if this doesn't work, I just know that there are bigger plans for DH and I. It seems like in my family, we can beat our heads against a brick wall for YEARS and then when the time is right, everything falls into place. We can't change the plans that have been made for us.

DH and I are blessed with the life we have. Looking around, there are people who would give ANYTHING to be where we are - a safe home, new cars, each other, food on the table and in our pantry, and being completely surrounded by the love of our families. This time of year, it is easy to get overwhelmed with everything going on - parties, gifts, functions - but it most important to be thankful for everything we have.

I've come to the realization that everyone always wants something they don't have. In our case, we want a baby. Others may want a shiny new car, that brand new house or the perfect mate. It is what it is.

IUI #5

Well, we had IUI #5 done today at 7:15 a.m. Our nice nurse wasn't working today but at least the mean one was better than normal. I've had a little spotting this evening but no cramping or anything.

I'm, of course, hopeful that it works but not holding my breath. I think I'm a bit too cynical! I do think the timing was perfect as far as my O - I had a lot of pain in my right side today and felt a pop about 20 minutes after my IUI and haven't had pain since. Here's to hoping my old cynical body can get this thing figured out!!

Test day will be the 27th of December. Here's to the next TWW!

CD3 ultrasound

Well, here we go again!

I had my CD3 u/s on Friday. I have a "flat" cyst on my right side but the RE was willing to give it another go, saying that wouldn't interfere with anything. He's happy about the way I respond to the clomid, but is not happy that we haven't had a bfp yet!

His plan, if this cycle doesn't work, is to do a laproscopic "look-see" of my belly. He thinks that there is a chance I might have some underlying issues from my spleen injury when I was 4; he said there could be a bit of scar tissue or something not quite right that is causing things to not work. He said that if there is scar tissue at the end of my tube, I might as well be sending my pretty follies to Mars! :)

So, we're hopeful that this cycle will work...I don't want to think about surgery. Even "minor" surgery...but still involves knocking me out and having incisions. Crossing fingers it works out!!

Next scan is Friday, December 10. Was supposed to be the 11th but that's Shane's graduation; we'll have a houseful of people and lots to do. :)

Well, I have the answer...

And it's another dreaded BFN. SIGH.

That being said, we've decided that we are done when our straws are out. So, by the end of January we'll either be knocked up or finished TTC for a long time. The stress is too much and we're losing faith we are meant to be parents in this fashion. Four years is a LONG time. :) The weird thing? I feel a sense of peace with it.

That's not to say that we don't want to be parents. We would love to have a baby. But, we are okay with it if it doesn't work. There are always plans larger than we can see; it will be interesting to see what life throws at us.

AF should be here in the next couple of days. We'll do another round of clomid and u/s. Here goes nothing!

Don't know what to think...

Well, we're nearing on two weeks since the IUI...test day is Sunday...and I don't have any idea what to think. I'm trying my hardest to prepare myself for a bfn on Sunday. I have ZERO symptoms. No sore bbs, no nausea, no nothing. Just the dogs being extra protective, and crying at the drop of a hat. I'm not even as tired as I normally am in the TWW. No AF signs could be a good thing, or it could just be an "off" cycle and we will see that striking bfn on Sunday morning. I'm hoping for a bfp but not sold on the idea.

Thanksgiving was yesterday. I have so many reasons to be thankful. Like my family. And my home, job, car and dogs. But most of all? My husband. I couldn't ask for a better man to be by my side for the rest of my life. He works hard and does everything he can to make me happy. I can't wait for the day I can share that love with other, smaller people in our lives.

I'm off for the day and a have a list as long as my arm to get done. And hopefully, my husband (the one I mentioned up there??) will be off early and we can spend some time together.

Until later...

PUPO!

IUI is all finished!! We were done by 7:45 a.m.; it went well - a little more painful than last time but that's okay. Kim didn't do the procedure (darn, darn, darn!) but we did get hugs from her on our way out. :) I start my progesterone on Wednesday morning...and test on the 29th (if not before).

Now we're PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). It's going to be a long two weeks!!!

Getting nervous!

I'm feeling very nervous tonight. Not for the actual procedure - those aren't bad. Moreso that this is the next step in our TTC journey. I feel like if this doesn't work, we're looking at adoption. Not to say that there's ANYTHING wrong with adoption; I just want to experience the joys of being pregnant: showers, kicks, appointments, excitement.

Another part of me is scared that it will work but it won't be sticky. I think that would be one of the hardest things - to finally get the elusive bfp and then have it taken away. I know that millions of pregnancies have come and gone with no issues...but I think I'll be on the edge of my seat the entire time. Heck, I am already!

I think tonight's going to be a long night. The nice thing is that I don't have to work tomorrow so I can relax and just putter. How wonderful!!!

Protocol!

We had another scan today. The right follie had grown into an oblong mutant and the left side is growing nicely. Tonight, around 7:30 p.m., Shane gets to stab me in the booty with my trigger shot. IUI is Monday at 7:30 a.m. Crossing fingers that we get beginners luck this cycle!!!

CD 11 scan

Well, we had a great scan today. Kim (the nice nurse) did it. She found one good size follie on both sides, and some other, smaller follies on the left as well. So, my normally very lazy and non-producing left side is a shining star this cycle!!! Maybe that's all we need :)

I go back on Saturday morning for another scan. Kim wants to be sure that we are timing everything as perfectly as possible since we are using donor sperm and have more money tied up in it. And that is precisely why I like Kim!!

I did get a letter today to try to charge the costs of the donor sperm out to my flex spending account. Crossing fingers it works...

Wowzers!

I'm so excited right now I can hardly stand to be around myself! I ordered our 3 straws of baby batter today (aka three specimens, if you want to get technical) and they should be here on Thursday! We'd thought we'd chosen one donor...B943...he was a great match, worked as a pizza delivery driver and had a degree in accounting. Medical history was decent. The nurse suggested we have 2-3 donors in mind when we called to order, so I ordered a couple more profiles.

One of them was a real, um, well, let's leave it as not a good match. Then, we saw B855. He has a much better medical history, is a bit taller and has kids of his own, as well as documented pregnancies. 943 is a "newbie" - he's only available starting this month. We thought we'd up our chances with someone that is known to "work" if you will.

The profiles we get are 20 pages long - I know more about the donor than I know about myself, I'm fairly certain. That being said, it's awesome to have that much knowledge. I know that we made the right choice.

Thursday is my next appointment (at 6:30 a.m., no less!). We'll get to see how my follies are doing (I'm feeling twinges on both sides!) and get protocol for the rest of the cycle. The trigger shot is ordered and should be waiting on us at the doctor, the baby batter will be waiting. EEEK! SO close now.

CD3 scan

I had my CD3 scan today, and received the results from my blood work. I did test positive for the CMV IgG which means we do need to find a negative donor. No biggie.

I'm on 100 mg of clomid for the next 5 days. I go back at 6:30 a.m. next Thursday for my next scan (egads, that's early!) and then we'll decide when trigger happens. Shane and I also need to choose candidates #2 and #3. We have to do the ordering ourselves for our "baby batter".

We are VERY excited!!!

HOORAY!

Very seldom do us IF'ers celebrate when the ol' AF shows. But, when you're waiting to start a cycle, it's VERY exciting. So, even though the old hag woke me up this morning, I am so excited!

Wednesday is our CD3 scan and we get the script to start Clomid. I am so hopeful this cycle will work. I can't wait!!!

Still waiting on the bloodwork to come back but it should be back by Wednesday when I go in. I'm not worried about it...just need another step done. The bright note is we are fairly decided on our donor. YAY!

Oh, the agony of WAITING. I wish we could just skip to the IUI now and not have the wait.

Blood test!

I had my blood drawn for the two required tests to move forward with our cycle. They require an infectious disease (hepatitis, HIV, etc.) and another one to test for antibodies. They test me for an immunity to it and the donor for whether they have it or not; if I'm immune then I can choose any donor. If not, I'm limited to only those donors without the antibody. The good news? Our first choice is negative, so it really doesn't matter! :) And I'm not worried at all about the other one. This, in my opinion, is a formality.

Now, to wait for the witch to show...and we can move forward. EEK!

RESOLVE

One of my friends, Mandy, who runs the blog The Lucky 7, was contacted recently by the RESOLVE network to have her followers ask questions about embryo donation. I responded with about 5 (I have LOTS of questions about it!) and one of mine was chosen to be answered via video! How exciting!

Here's a little more information about the program and a link to the video!
Because embryo donation can be a challenge for some to understand, RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association launched a first-of-its-kind video series, in which RESOLVE’s executive director Barbara Collura answers people’s questions about embryo donation, an emerging family building option. The “So what exactly is embryo donation?” video series includes 11 short, one- to two-minute videos answering questions submitted by MyDestinationFamily.org visitors. Check out Barbara’s personal response to my question below and visit MyDestinationFamily.org to view other videos and test your knowledge about embryo donation.

The video