Well, I have the answer...

And it's another dreaded BFN. SIGH.

That being said, we've decided that we are done when our straws are out. So, by the end of January we'll either be knocked up or finished TTC for a long time. The stress is too much and we're losing faith we are meant to be parents in this fashion. Four years is a LONG time. :) The weird thing? I feel a sense of peace with it.

That's not to say that we don't want to be parents. We would love to have a baby. But, we are okay with it if it doesn't work. There are always plans larger than we can see; it will be interesting to see what life throws at us.

AF should be here in the next couple of days. We'll do another round of clomid and u/s. Here goes nothing!

Don't know what to think...

Well, we're nearing on two weeks since the IUI...test day is Sunday...and I don't have any idea what to think. I'm trying my hardest to prepare myself for a bfn on Sunday. I have ZERO symptoms. No sore bbs, no nausea, no nothing. Just the dogs being extra protective, and crying at the drop of a hat. I'm not even as tired as I normally am in the TWW. No AF signs could be a good thing, or it could just be an "off" cycle and we will see that striking bfn on Sunday morning. I'm hoping for a bfp but not sold on the idea.

Thanksgiving was yesterday. I have so many reasons to be thankful. Like my family. And my home, job, car and dogs. But most of all? My husband. I couldn't ask for a better man to be by my side for the rest of my life. He works hard and does everything he can to make me happy. I can't wait for the day I can share that love with other, smaller people in our lives.

I'm off for the day and a have a list as long as my arm to get done. And hopefully, my husband (the one I mentioned up there??) will be off early and we can spend some time together.

Until later...

PUPO!

IUI is all finished!! We were done by 7:45 a.m.; it went well - a little more painful than last time but that's okay. Kim didn't do the procedure (darn, darn, darn!) but we did get hugs from her on our way out. :) I start my progesterone on Wednesday morning...and test on the 29th (if not before).

Now we're PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). It's going to be a long two weeks!!!

Getting nervous!

I'm feeling very nervous tonight. Not for the actual procedure - those aren't bad. Moreso that this is the next step in our TTC journey. I feel like if this doesn't work, we're looking at adoption. Not to say that there's ANYTHING wrong with adoption; I just want to experience the joys of being pregnant: showers, kicks, appointments, excitement.

Another part of me is scared that it will work but it won't be sticky. I think that would be one of the hardest things - to finally get the elusive bfp and then have it taken away. I know that millions of pregnancies have come and gone with no issues...but I think I'll be on the edge of my seat the entire time. Heck, I am already!

I think tonight's going to be a long night. The nice thing is that I don't have to work tomorrow so I can relax and just putter. How wonderful!!!

Protocol!

We had another scan today. The right follie had grown into an oblong mutant and the left side is growing nicely. Tonight, around 7:30 p.m., Shane gets to stab me in the booty with my trigger shot. IUI is Monday at 7:30 a.m. Crossing fingers that we get beginners luck this cycle!!!

CD 11 scan

Well, we had a great scan today. Kim (the nice nurse) did it. She found one good size follie on both sides, and some other, smaller follies on the left as well. So, my normally very lazy and non-producing left side is a shining star this cycle!!! Maybe that's all we need :)

I go back on Saturday morning for another scan. Kim wants to be sure that we are timing everything as perfectly as possible since we are using donor sperm and have more money tied up in it. And that is precisely why I like Kim!!

I did get a letter today to try to charge the costs of the donor sperm out to my flex spending account. Crossing fingers it works...

Wowzers!

I'm so excited right now I can hardly stand to be around myself! I ordered our 3 straws of baby batter today (aka three specimens, if you want to get technical) and they should be here on Thursday! We'd thought we'd chosen one donor...B943...he was a great match, worked as a pizza delivery driver and had a degree in accounting. Medical history was decent. The nurse suggested we have 2-3 donors in mind when we called to order, so I ordered a couple more profiles.

One of them was a real, um, well, let's leave it as not a good match. Then, we saw B855. He has a much better medical history, is a bit taller and has kids of his own, as well as documented pregnancies. 943 is a "newbie" - he's only available starting this month. We thought we'd up our chances with someone that is known to "work" if you will.

The profiles we get are 20 pages long - I know more about the donor than I know about myself, I'm fairly certain. That being said, it's awesome to have that much knowledge. I know that we made the right choice.

Thursday is my next appointment (at 6:30 a.m., no less!). We'll get to see how my follies are doing (I'm feeling twinges on both sides!) and get protocol for the rest of the cycle. The trigger shot is ordered and should be waiting on us at the doctor, the baby batter will be waiting. EEEK! SO close now.

CD3 scan

I had my CD3 scan today, and received the results from my blood work. I did test positive for the CMV IgG which means we do need to find a negative donor. No biggie.

I'm on 100 mg of clomid for the next 5 days. I go back at 6:30 a.m. next Thursday for my next scan (egads, that's early!) and then we'll decide when trigger happens. Shane and I also need to choose candidates #2 and #3. We have to do the ordering ourselves for our "baby batter".

We are VERY excited!!!

HOORAY!

Very seldom do us IF'ers celebrate when the ol' AF shows. But, when you're waiting to start a cycle, it's VERY exciting. So, even though the old hag woke me up this morning, I am so excited!

Wednesday is our CD3 scan and we get the script to start Clomid. I am so hopeful this cycle will work. I can't wait!!!

Still waiting on the bloodwork to come back but it should be back by Wednesday when I go in. I'm not worried about it...just need another step done. The bright note is we are fairly decided on our donor. YAY!

Oh, the agony of WAITING. I wish we could just skip to the IUI now and not have the wait.